"Two of our students are leaving the school..", the Director (principal) told me as I sat in a chair in her office. When I asked her which two, my heart jumped when she responded... "Hannah and Fernando". I was shocked primarily because Hannah has been one of my favorite students during my time here in Zapote. She is the one who gives me the BIGGEST bear hugs every time she sees me, she lights up when she sees me enter the classroom, she has provided encouragement and acceptance from my first day here, and she's an incredible young lady. My stomach dropped. Then, I asked why.
The Director began to tell me a story that is far too common within Zapote and Guatemala. She
Hannah and Me |
Instantly, I went into what I would call "cop mode". (For those of you who may not know, I was a police officer for nine years before surrendering to the call to ministry on my life... I know... I have lead and lead quite the adventurous life). I wanted to act. I wanted to do something. I wanted to "protect" the family and "put the bad guy in jail". But.. I couldn't.. I couldn't do anything.
In Zapote there is NO law enforcement presence. There are no police cars patrolling the streets. People don't call 911 for help. Much of this has to do with the fact that the police in Guatemala are often "crooked" and accept bribes in exchange for looking the other way. There is a DEEP mistrust that goes back generations and people have learned to "look out for their own" and to "take care of their own". So.. what we would normally do in the U.S... is something that you don't do here.
After I left the Director's office, I walked back to my office in a trance. Had she really just told me that.. I thought.. I went to my office and I shut the door. Not Hannah.. I thought.. not her family.. Why? Why.. God.. this isn't fair. Two of the BEST kids in our school and this is happening to their family? Where is the justice in this... then the tears came. I let the sadness and frustration overcome me as the tears fell down my cheeks. I cried as quietly as possible and let the feelings of the entire situation pour out of me as hot tears flooded my eyes. I took the time I needed to be in the moment, and to feel everything that was happening in my heart and my mind (this is a big deal for someone who became very adept at repressing emotions and "not feeling" when bad things happened).
Eventually, I steadied myself and did my best to make it through the day. As soon as I emerged from my office, Hannah found me and gave me one last hug. We held on for a long time, and I encouraged her and assured her that I would be praying for her. We shared tears on both sides and she left after the final bell rang.
I made it through the rest day by keeping busy and checking things off my "To Do" list. I soon realized that it was time for the weekly prayer meeting (6:15) and I went downstairs to find the family who lives at the school to walk to the church with them.
When I arrived at the door of the family's house, the niece, Alexis, told me that the sister of Ronald
(the father of the family and caretaker of the school) had died. My jaw dropped. She told me that the family had gone to the sister's house for the funeral service. I asked her hesitantly (she is nearly 9 months pregnant) if she would show me where the house was so I could join the family. She agreed.
The Caretaker and His Family |
When I awoke this morning, I lay in my bed thinking about the past twenty-four hours events. I struggled to get up and I was shocked that I managed to make it to our 7AM teacher devotional (eventhough I told my roommate that I would not go today). During the devotional time, we read James 1. James 1 is one of my FAVORITE books of the Bible and as I repeated "Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom their is no variation or shifting shadow"... I began to remember the GOOD THINGS that had happened in the past 24 hours. Even the small ones.
The Kindergarten Class |
Just like the rip current.. When I felt myself being pulled away from the shore.. worried.. and weary... I began to panic and get tired. Yet, when I put my eyes back on the Creator and Sustainer of my life I remember.. it's going to be ok. It's not easy.. and I do grow weary.. but He is in control and He loves these kids more than I could ever love them.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I appreciate each of you on this journey with me. I appreciate the prayers and support each of you give... Your prayers for me have not gone unanswered.
Blessings,
Meaghen