Unexpected Rain Showers...

                Rainy season in Guatemala is typically from May to October and it RARELY (if ever) rains outside of that time frame. However, for the past few weeks we’ve been having rain showers EVERY afternoon … and my sneaking suspicion is that this means rainy season will LAST ALL YEAR this year?!! If it’s already started in February… surely not… maybe?!!

Can You Pick Me Out? 

  In a similar way I have been experiencing a number of unexpected rain showers in the beginning of my second year here at Fuente de Esperanza. I won’t lie… it’s been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster being the ONLY English speaking person in the village. I CRAVE conversation in English and to be able to FULLY express my emotions and thoughts in a plethora of verbs, nouns, adjectives, and adverbs WITHOUT having to quickly conjugate a verb in my head mid-sentence or feel like the verb just doesn’t really communicate the strength of the emotion I’m feeling at the time.  Never mind the times I commit grammatical errors and feel far less intelligent than I know I am. Although I’m surrounded by students bustling between classrooms, teachers greeting me as we pass each other, and co-workers flowing in and out of my office I, at times, feel rather alone.

However, it’s during these times that I try (I don’t always succeed) to press into the ONE who I know is ALWAYS with me and seek my comfort in Him. And just like the unexpected rain showers we’ve been experiencing here in the village, He has been “showering” blessings down and encouraging me in ways I never expected.

This year I started teaching the devotion time to the 6^th-9^th graders (did I mention that before this adventure the middle school years were my LEAST FAVORITE age group?). There are times it’s like herding cats… students talking… playing… moving the stools around on the floor… playing with the curtains… Meanwhile I’m hoping that the verbs I am using are adequately communicating what Scripture says… However, in the past few weeks I have been “showered” with encouragement as I have watched students get excited to answer the review questions at the end of each week, they’ve started participating by singing during praise times, and I’ve had the pleasure of watching as they’ve started to realize that being a believer means actually APPLYING what Scripture says to our lives.

I have also started holding a small group with the 6^th-9^th grade girls every Wednesday afternoon in my apartment. I lured them in with cookies and Coca-Cola (I’m not above bribes)… and we’ve been going through Elizabeth George’s book “A Young Woman After God’s Heart”. This

Our Small Group :) 

week’s lesson was on prayer and having a daily devotional time. At the end of the group time, Mary came up to me beaming and said “Miss, I just want you to know I started praying this week… I realize I need to change some of my behaviors too. I just want to thank you for teaching us.” What?!! My eyes filled with grateful tears as I hugged Mary and told her how proud of her I was. Once again God was “showering” me with encouragement…

Some of my "Pollitos" 

Please don’t tell the students… but my absolute FAVORITE class is ALWAYS the Kindergarten class. There is something about these tiny adorable little dark haired babies and their HUGE BROWN EYES and their tiny little voices speaking Spanish. I mean… they are the CUTEST THINGS EVER… And I cannot tell you how many times God has used these little angels to encourage me in the past few weeks. I call them my “pollitos” (chicks) because I literally feel like a mother hen when they are around. It doesn’t matter where we are.. they come RUNNING FULL FORCE to me yelling “Missssssssss Meaghen” and attach themselves to my legs!! I can only move with about four of them attached to me.. any more than that and I just have to stand still. But God uses these babies to “shower” His love on me in some of my loneliest moments.

So, I’m not sure what you may be going through at this moment. Maybe your life is all rainbows and butterflies… or maybe like me you find yourself in a bit of an unexpected rainy season. Let me encourage you… Let God “shower” you with whatever it is you need in this time… He can use other people… time spent alone with Him… or getting tackled by a dozen kindergarteners… just take a look around you. He is moving whether we sometimes see it or not.

I appreciate you taking the time to read my blog. 

Blessings,

Meaghen 

In Over My Head...

“And You crash over me… and I’ve lost control but I’m free… I’m going under… I’m in over my head… And You crash over me… and that’s where You want me to be… I’m going under… I’m in over my head… Whether I sink… whether I swim… it makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head.”

I missed Wawa!! 

As you may know, I returned to the States for a two-month furlough on November 8^th to visit friends, family, and raise funds. I will be returning to Guatemala on January 4^th to start the coming school year at Fuente de Esperanza. My time in the States has been OVERWHELMINGLY good. God has brought me to the point of weeping simply from His goodness more than once since my return. The hugs, the encouragement, worshiping with and beside the people I have missed, sharing His story with my friends and family, and just being loved well has been an incredible experience. I am grateful to have a chance to recharge before heading back to my beloved Guatemala in January.

One of the common themes that has kept popping up during my time in the States has been that of letting go, losing control, and letting God move. This morning as I was listening to one of my favorite playlists the lyrics above jumped out at me. Instantly a number of memories from the past few weeks jumped into my mind.

First of all, as I was sitting last night at coffee with my friend Christy, she said something that only those who have come to a place of living their lives “out of control” understand. Christy spent her teenage years growing up on the mission field, and even though as she said “I can’t support this specifically with scripture, I can through personal experience.” Christy explained, and I agree with

Love My Peoples :) 

her, that being on the mission field brings you to a place where you are in a place of immense grace, providence, and protection that you can only equate with being in the perfect will of God. She went on to say that it’s not that we are outside the will of God when we are not on the mission field, or that we are not experiencing His goodness… but there is a whole different level of grace, providence, and protection that takes place when you say yes to stepping away and onto the mission field.

The only reasoning I can imagine behind this phenomenon is the surrender that is necessary on the mission field. Being on the mission field is completely OUT OF OUR CONTROL… and that is a hard place for many of us to live. We want to control… we want to organize… we want to plan… and often that is not the case on the mission field. The lack of control either breaks you or brings you to a place of complete surrender… of complete letting go.. and as I’ve said before… that is when God can come in and work. When we let go.. and lose control.

Doing Life... out of Control

Another memory that jumped to mind hearing these lyrics was precious hours I spent with a group of ladies doing life together in a prayer group. Again.. the common theme of letting go and losing control ran deep as each woman gave account of struggles over the past weeks. A child’s suicide attempt and hospitalization… the dream job opportunity which surfaced after hope was long abandoned… personal struggles in relationships… and learning to trust God as provider were all stories recounted amongst dear friends.

As I listened to the stories, I started to realize that being in control is such a false reality. The truth is… we control nothing. We struggle so hard to control things… to control schedules… to control life events… to control jobs… to control relationships.. to control… to manipulate things into whatever we want and desire…  but in reality we control nothing.

"Out of Control" on Ice

Now.. this isn’t to say that life is a collection of random events… that we shouldn’t act responsibly or care… or that we should just sit around and do nothing. However… the reality is is that we control NOTHING.… BUT when we can realize that it’s not our job to control.. and we can let go of our ATTEMPT to control… there is a FREEDOM that fills the void we are trying to fill by attempting to control all the details of life. When we can let go of the busyness of trying to control every single detail… there is a freedom in being OUT OF CONTROL.

I will admit.. I am definitely preaching to myself on this one. However, let me invite you (along with myself) to take a moment and think. What are we TRYING TO CONTROL? (Hint… it’s probably something you’re worried about.. money.. jobs… relationships… etc.) Now… choose to let go and lose control of it. Don’t stop praying.. don’t stop trusting.. don’t stop hoping.. but realize.. God’s got this. He is in control.. and when we let go.. He can move. The truth is.. we were never IN CONTROL in the first place.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I appreciate each of you, your love, and your support. 

Blessings,

Meaghen 

Sailing on Unpredictable Seas...

Recently I was sitting in a cafe in Antigua drinking coffee with my friend, Val. I was sharing with her some of the hardships I am facing and how it is difficult to know which direction to take.

My delicious coffee :) 

 As Val looked at me over her steaming cup of rich dark Antiguan goodness, she said "Even though unpredictable is hard... it gives space for God to work." Her words stopped me... and I thought... she's right. Unpredictability gives space for God to work.

If you have read my earlier blogs, you know that God has taken me on a journey from being a planner to being a little more "flexible"throughout this journey. In fact I often joke and say that in the process of coming to Guatemala I attempted to "show God my 3-point plan and my PowerPoint" and tell Him how this journey was going to play out. You can imagine how that went over... I am fairly sure I heard God laughing at me. And here I am... NOT LIVING ACCORDING TO MY OWN PLAN. 

There are SO MANY THINGS that do NOT go according to plan when living on the mission field. Take what appears to be a "simple" trip to immigration. Often these trips turn into "all day events" which leave us mentally and physically exhausted due to changing paperwork, changing requirements, and waiting hours to be told that you are missing a form, have to pay a fine, or that your photos are the wrong size. Did I mention the guy who takes the photos uses a camera from the 1800s and develops the photos in THE BATHROOM?!! I kid you not!!

Everyone is excited about immigration

Other things that have taught me a lot about unpredictability and flexibility are things like when the date of school graduation gets moved because they haven't been able to get the diplomas printed on time... or when classes get canceled to celebrate one of the many Guatemalan holidays such as the "National Day of Corn"... or protesters shut down the MAIN HIGHWAY into the city and the only other route takes you an hour and a half in the wrong direction... or when you're taking a shower after a morning run and the water pressure slowly drops until there is NO WATER coming out of the shower and you have a head full of shampoo...or when suddenly there is traffic heading at you head on on a major highway because they open a travel lane on the opposite side of the road during heavy traffic times... All things that are unpredictable and don't go according to "my plan". 

I often remember that for many of our students at Source of Hope, the future is equally unpredictable. Two weeks ago was the last "official" week of school, and it was the last time I will see some of our students. We have students who will not be able to continue studying with us because of poor grades or behavior issues. We have sixth graders who will not be returning to school in order to go into the workforce and help support their families. We have fourteen ninth graders that are graduating and heading onto higher education or other opportunities. 

I would be lying if I said that I don't worry about "my" kids and the myriad of unpredictable things that may come their way. I worry about their opportunities to find "good" employment that will support their families and not cause them to age beyond their years with

The Picture that didn't go according to plan:) 

hard labor and poor working conditions. I worry that young ladies will make decisions that ultimately impede their future plans for a career or an education. I worry that some of our student's parents let them roam a little too freely in a country where sexual abuse and violence are often a cultural norm. I worry that they have enough food to eat and their own bed to sleep in. I worry... I worry about all the unpredictable things that may happen to them in a culture of unpredictability. 

And then I remember... Life is not going to be lived according to my plan. I need to let go.. and remember... that God is big enough. He is big enough to take care of my kids (ALL 194 OF THEM). He is big enough to take care of me. He is big enough to take care of my family back in the States. He is big enough. And to Him... NOTHING IS UNPREDICTABLE.

See, when things are unpredictable and we are "blindsided" by things we didn't see coming.. we learn to depend on God to get us through. It is in these times that as Val said "we give God room to work". I can and I do worry about my kids, but I must remember that His plans are higher than my plans and
His ways are higher than my ways. When I'm hit with news from home that shakes me to the core, I have to trust His plan beyond my own and know that He's got this. Nothing surprises Him. Even when things seem unpredictable... I need to remember... He knew me before I was formed in my mother's womb... He knows the number of hairs on my head.. and He knows what tomorrow brings.. and He knows the exact moment when I will take my last breath. 

So, I choose to let go. I'm laying down my plans.. what I think it should look like... and I choose to let life be unpredictable. I choose to give Him room to work. 

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I am grateful for each of you, your love, and your support. 

Blessings,

Meaghen 

Troughs and Crests

Flying in... 

  I recently celebrated my seven month "Guate-versary" and I started to reflect on the past seven months in this country. The best way I could think to describe it would be like the troughs and crests of waves as they come rolling into shore. As you prepare to come your emotions grow more and more excited... you can't sleep with expectation of your arrival.. and you can't wait to finally be on
foreign soil... and then the day FINALLY comes to board the plane and come to your "land of dreams". When you arrive on the mission field, you are filled with hope... excited about everything... your dream has come true... you love the food... you love the people.. you love the culture... you love everything... IT'S PERFECT!! At this point you're at the very top of the wave.. at the crest... you're riding on top of the world... and nothing could seem more perfect...


  Then... reality starts to set in... you have to learn a language that is not your heart language... the feelings of inadequacy creep in... you feel like a three year old trying to ask for a beverage at a restaurant.. you want to tell people "I'm not stupid... I have a Master's degree... it's just that I don't know this language well enough"... the cultural norms are confusing.. you don't know what you are supposed to do at a funeral... how do you greet the deceased's family...do you push into line in the market and demand attention when the lady selling strawberries is ignoring you and serving everyone around you... how do you give directions to the tuk tuk driver to get to your house... do you try the food that the local family made for you and risk major gastrointestinal assault....

Navigating Traffic in Guatemala

you learn how to "fake" eating and drinking things that may not be "safe" to eat.... and still not understanding why you can't flush toilet paper like a "normal person". At this point you start the nose-dive down the back of the wave and into the trough. The culture stress builds until one day you find yourself crying over cookies... or in my case crying over a student who repeatedly intentionally made jokes that I didn't understand.

  When you're in the trough.. it's hard. You don't doubt that God has brought you to your new
country.... but you're not so sure you really want to be here anymore... You long for the "Honeymoon Phase" to return when everything was perfect. Even doing normal things like asking a question or voicing your opinion can be a struggle. You yearn for someone who speaks your language and understands your home culture. You yearn for your friends... your family.. and people who "get you". You get tired of always being stared at for being different.. for people assuming you don't understand because "you're not from here"... and being mentally and physically exhausted at trying to figure it all out.


  Then one day... you start the climb up the wave again... little by little you start to understand the culture and the language... operating in a foreign culture becomes almost normal... and you start to get stared at because you CAN ACTUALLY COMMUNICATE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON... you're finding your stride... You're starting to make friends... things are looking up... You're climbing to the crest again...

  And the scale tips yet again and you find yourself slipping down the backside of a wave... your favorite students have to flee the village because of extortionists... a baby conceived in sexual assault dies only a few months into her short life sending her mother and friends into yet more emotional
hardship and difficulty... you listen as a fourteen year old boy explains the rejection he regularly receives at home from his mother, step-father, and step-siblings and how he must work two jobs while attending the fifth grade.... a promising young woman who graduated from the ministry program is struck by a vehicle while crossing the road and later dies from a head injury sustained from the accident... and you're back in the trough again... asking why... why are these things happening... why is it so difficult sometimes...


  Little by little the climb starts again... The student you're doing physical therapy with who has been wheel-chair bound is able to balance himself without support on crutches... You watch as the student's faces start to light up during the devotional times and you realize "they are starting to get it"... Your

ministry partner tells you that one of the students who had been struggling with identity and sexual sin prayed to receive Jesus Christ as her personal savior... You are literally tackled by the Kindergarten class anytime you walk into their classroom... and just like that.. you're back at the crest again...


  Due to recent difficulties I have spent quite a bit of time in prayer and asking God why we have to go through the troughs in our lives. Why do we need to walk through the hard parts. He answered me... and said... that's how you gain strength to make it to the crests. See... as we're diving into the troughs of the waves... we're gaining momentum... we're gaining speed... we're gaining strength... and when we hit the trough and start the upward climb.. it's only because of that speed and that strength that we are able to make it to the crest of the next wave. The troughs are necessary to propel us to the coming crests. Wow...


  So... I want to encourage you today... wherever you are in the ebb and flow of life... maybe you're on the crest.. maybe you're in the bottom pit of the trough... remember... we must go through the troughs to make it to the next crest. It's a process... and there is a purpose. At times it's hard... at times it's rough... but keep pressing forward. Keep pressing through... because the crest is coming... and it's with the power and momentum we receive from going through the trough that we will reach the crest.


  Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. 

Blessings,
Meaghen

Fighting Against the Darkness.. My Personal Struggle against Suicide.

  Today on my Facebook feed a memory from six years ago popped up, and I was instantly transported to SEVEN YEARS AGO TODAY and the events that were taking place. I will warn you... this is going to be a not so pretty story about the lowest point in my life and is not the usual post I share on my blog. However, this morning I have felt so pressed to share it... and I know that someone out there needs to hear this.. and needs to know that THEY ARE NOT ALONE.

  Seven years ago, today, I was working for a Sheriff's Department in Mississippi as a Deputy Sheriff. At this point, I had been a police officer for six and a half years and I LOVED MY JOB. However, what I didn't realize at this point was that ALL I KNEW ABOUT MYSELF was that I WAS A POLICE OFFICER. I had entered the police academy when I was twenty years old and I was twenty-one when I graduated. So, I had spent the most "formative" years of my life as a police officer. I had such promise... I was going places.... I was on the verge of an assignment that would mean a promotion... I was so PROUD of who I THOUGHT I was.. where I THOUGHT I was going.. and what I THOUGHT I was doing.

  Then there was him. He was a married co-worker (yep.. I went there) with whom I was romantically involved for OVER A YEAR at this point. He made me feel like I was valued.. he made me feel wanted... and he made me feel desired. And... he kept promising.. month after month.. after month... after month that he would leave his wife for me... he didn't want to be with her...she was crazy... they only lived in the same house.. she was leaving in a few weeks... he didn't love her... that soon he would be with me.. that he would marry me one day..

  Rumors starting circulating within the Sheriff's Department where we worked that he and I were romantically involved, and of course... we denied it. We believed there was no way without either one of us admitting to it, that anyone could ever prove it. However, a full on internal investigation was launched and on July 29, 2009 I stood before the Chief Deputy in his office and was informed that my resignation would only be accepted if it was effective immediately.

  In that moment, my world came crashing down. In that moment, my identity SHATTERED... I was a police officer... what would I do if I wasn't a police officer? Where was I going to go? I was SO FULL OF SHAME that seeing my co-workers and them knowing what I had done.. and that I had lied was OVERWHELMING... I had to leave.. but WHERE? I drove my patrol car back to my home and called my supervisor on the way. My supervisor told me to load all my equipment into my patrol car and they would come to pick it up later that afternoon.

  As I watched my supervisor back my patrol car out of my driveway... I collapsed. It was like watching myself being taken away in that moment. I laid on the floor crying for hours... I cried until I didn't have tears anymore. I couldn't eat... I couldn't sleep... I couldn't think... and not only had I lost my career.. and my identity.. but I lost him as well. He wouldn't return my calls.. I tried to send messages through friends.. and nothing. Nothing. I didn't hear from him from that day forward.

 That's when the darkness crept in. I remember laying in my bed and the thoughts that came to me were overwhelming. Just end it... you're not worth it... you'll never be respected again... you're a liar... you'll never be loved again... you're worthless... you're never going to be a police officer again. I had guns in the house... I still had my own personal handgun. I imagined placing the gun to my temple and pulling the trigger... ending it all.... but then...

 I imagined my friends.. my fellow first responders being the ones who found me.. what my nieces would think... what my family would think... and that was the narrowest thread that kept me hanging on in that moment. This day started a very hard and a very difficult period in my life... I won't lie and say immediately everything changed... because it didn't. But... I chose to fight. I chose not to listen to the voices and push against the darkness... and there were times I didn't want to.. when thoughts of suicide would arise again.. but I refused to give up.

Two weeks later, I landed in Hawaii. My sister invited me to come live with them while I started to rebuild my life. I have told her.. and I hope she knows.. that she helped save my life during this time.
Over the next few years, I moved back to the mainland and I actually got a job as a police officer again in a tiny town in Mississippi. And... God used this tiny town and it's people to love me back to Him. See... I had begun running from my faith and from God when I was in the police academy. I still believed in Him and knew He loved me.. but I wanted to live my life for me.

 One early morning in the early winter of 2011... I had once again had enough. But, this time.. I had had enough of living my life for me and running from God. I remember crying out.. through tears and praying "I don't want to live like this anymore"... and the peace flooded me. I was filled with hope.. a promise.. and I began to learn who I REALLY AM.

  Our identity is not WHAT WE DO... it's not WHO WE LOVE... it's not WHERE WE LIVE... our identity is WHO HE CREATED US TO BE. We are HIS CHILDREN.. HIS MOST PRECIOUS GIFTS... We are the ones HE SINGS OVER... the ones HE PURSUES... the ones HE FORGIVES... the ones HE DELIGHTS IN... the ones HE CREATED. And until we know that.. and accept that.. we will go around chasing identities in careers... and relationships.. and places.

 So, I don't know where you are today... maybe you're not sure of your identity.. maybe you feel lost.. maybe you don't want to go on.. maybe you feel like giving up. PLEASE KEEP FIGHTING. KEEP PUSHING AGAINST THE DARKNESS. DON'T GIVE IN. DON'T GIVE UP. TOMORROW IS A NEW DAY.. THERE IS HOPE.. THERE IS A FUTURE. THERE IS A GOD WHO LOVES YOU DESPITE ANYTHING YOU MAY HAVE DONE.. AND HE'S CHASING AFTER YOU.

 When I look back to seven years ago, I would NEVER BELIEVE that I would be where I am today. As I type this.. I'm sitting at my desk in my apartment in Antigua, Guatemala. Today I am a missionary with an organization that ministers to at-risk children. Today I speak hope to children and people who are broken.. suffering.. and in need of a reason to continue on. If I had given into the darkness that day... I would never be here. The darkness would have won.. and I could not be helping to set other people free from the same darkness that tried to take me.

So, please.. keep pressing. You never know where you'll be sitting next month, next year.. or seven years from now. You never know how life can change.. for the better.. when you let God in.

Today, I am proud to stand and say "I AM NO LONGER A SLAVE TO FEAR... I AM A CHILD OF GOD".

 If you are feeling suicidal... and you need to talk to someone... please... talk to a friend.. a family member... a church member... or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at:
1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Blessings,
Meaghen

His River is Pure...

  Evelyn charged into my office with a look of deep concern on her face. As she took a seat I could see the tears welling up in her eyes. “We have to do something…” She then explained to me that she had heard that one of the girls in the basico program (7^th, 8^th, and 9^th grade) was pregnant. Evelyn poured out her heart and her concern regarding the lack of education in sexual purity and the fact that

Two of our Basico Girls 

 in Guatemalan culture abstinence and sexual purity is something that is not talked about…. Even within many churches. In fact, in many communities divorce is considered an unforgivable sin, and for that reason many people will not get married for fear of divorce down the road. Many times, this breeds a culture of people who accept living together, having sex before marriage, and having children together out of wedlock even within the church.

  So… as any good researcher.. I started searching the internet for videos IN SPANISH that were relevant… NOT CHEESY… and actually addressed the topic of sexual purity well… AND FROM A CHRISTIAN PERSPECTIVE. Eventually… I came across “Love Without Regret” which is a video of a live presentation which took place in the United States and was presented by a soon-to-be-married couple in their twenties. AND IT’S GOOD!! And.. it was dubbed and subtitled in Spanish… GOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLL!!! J

  I would be lying if I said that I had confidence from the beginning that everything would go PERFECTLY… In fact, when I shared with a few people the weekend before and told them what we had planned… people told me their personal horror stories in attempts to do the same thing. I also had NEVER put on ANY form of a purity presentation before… let alone in a SECOND LANGUAGE…. So, I did the only other thing I could do… I prayed. I prayed the days before… I prayed the Monday before… I prayed as I prepared the room and set up desks.. I prayed through the hallways of the school… I prayed through my office where the boys would be meeting… I prayed… and I prayed… and I prayed.

  On Tuesday morning, as I stood before approximately 70 teenagers I can’t explain the peace and the confidence I felt. I explained to the students that we were going to be watching a movie and discussing sexual purity in the days to come… and to my shock only one giggle was released. (VICTORY!!!) I explained to them that we would watch the video together on Tuesday and Wednesday and then divide the group for discussion on Thursday. After starting the video, I expected giggling… conversations… joking… but what I noticed instead was SILENCE… FOCUS… AND INTEREST. There were a few comments made to friends… but these kids were CAPTIVATED. WOW. The same thing happened on Wednesday when we finished the video… the students PAID ATTENTION… they were actually INTERESTED AND LEARNING about sexual purity. WOW.

Some of our students watching a team's presentation

  Then, came Thursday. Evelyn and I had both decided to share parts of our personal testimonies with the young ladies (It’s not an easy thing when you’re talking about your sexual past in front of complete strangers). However, once again when I stood before the 39 young ladies I felt such peace. Evelyn and I both shared scriptures which pointed the ladies to living and maintaining a pure lifestyle and shared what that looked like. Evelyn shared parts of her testimony, and I noticed that AS SOON AS she started talking  about her past… a hush fell over the crowd… the girls leaned in… and THEY LISTENED. I could see them nodding along at times. WOW….

  Then, I got up to share my story. I used a white paper heart as part of my illustration. I explained that when I was 11 years old, my parents divorced. It was difficult not having my father in my home during such a formative stage in my life, and I began looking for love in other relationships and with other young men. At the age of 14, I lost my virginity and that started a pattern which played out in my early twenties as well. I explained to the girls that at one point in my life I didn’t care about having sex… it didn’t “matter” to me and I thought it was “no big deal” however… what I didn’t realize was that every time I had sex with a man who was not my husband… it was like giving a piece of my heart away… so as I talked about having sex with my boyfriends or other young men… I tore a piece of my paper heart and let it flutter to the ground… again I tore a piece… again I tore a piece… again I tore a piece.. until I only had a small ragged piece of my heart left.

  I paused for a moment… THERE WAS COMPLETE SILENCE IN THAT MOMENT…. As I looked around the crowd… one young lady in particular stood out to me. Jessica was sitting at the very front of the group… and tears were running down her cheeks. My heart leapt inside me. Just from watching Jessica over the past few months I could tell that she was struggling with her identity… with relationships with young men… and with her own purity. There were a number of other young ladies who also had tears in their eyes. All I could think was… MY GOD… YOU’RE WORKING IN THIS MOMENT.

  I continued by holding up my shredded ragged heart, and I explained to the girls that this is what I would one day have to give to my husband… and that is not God’s plan. I explained to them that God only wants the best for our lives, and when we’re born we are given a new, clean, complete hearts (held up another complete, whole heart I had on the table). It is God’s plan for us to one day arrive at our wedding day with that heart to give to our spouses. I admitted to the girls that I understood that there were some of them in the room that were not virgins, and that I also am not a virgin… but they could make a choice.. today.. to ask for forgiveness and to choose to live a lifestyle of purity. It doesn’t matter what we had done in our past… all that mattered was what we chose to do from that day forward.

  When it came time to pray, five girls raised their hands to ask for forgiveness from their sexual past (Jessica included) and ten girls raised their hands stating that they wanted to make a commitment to

The Hearts We Gave to Our Girls

live a pure lifestyle from this day forward. We gave each and every girl a laminated white heart with 1 Timothy 4:12 written on it, and encouraged them to be an example of purity to others. WOW. ONLY GOD.

So, I share this story to encourage you. Despite not knowing every needed vocabulary word in Spanish and despite not knowing how to even really approach this subject… GOD MOVED. I have realized that He has called me into a season of doing things that I HAVE NEVER DONE BEFORE… and it’s a place where I MUST DEPEND ON HIM much more than I ever have in the past. It would have been easy for me to make excuses about not knowing the language “well enough” or not being “comfortable” talking about sexual purity… however… I trusted Him to make up the difference… and HE DID. HE MOVED AND TOUCHED HEARTS DESPITE ANYTHING I DID OR SAID. So, don’t be afraid… if He’s calling you to do it.. HE WILL PROVIDE… even if you don’t conjugate all the verbs correctly J .

Thank you for reading my blog. 

Blessings,

Meaghen 

Put Down Your Umbrella... and Get Drenched!!

Sharing an Umbrella

  Rainy season has officially descended on the village of Zapote.. and that means that EVERY... let me emphasize that once more... EVERY SINGLE... AFTERNOON it rains. Usually it starts POURING somewhere between 4pm and 6pm and the storms may be passing, or may settle in for the evening. However, with the rain comes cooler temperatures... WHICH I WELCOME ENTHUSIASTICALLY. The temperatures in the weeks prior to rainy season have been in the 90s-100s and at times it was all I could do to sit in front of a fan and drink water (there is no A/C in Guatemala). I praise God for the evening times when the temperatures cool into the 80s and become much more tolerable.

  A side effect of the rain, however, is the swelling of the rivers. As you may remember, we must cross FOUR RIVERS on the way to Zapote. There are NO BRIDGES, so we drive THROUGH the rivers in a four-wheel drive truck. Due
to the rain, the paths of the rivers also change which means crossing the river is different every time we come through.  As we were returning to Zapote on Monday morning, we were approaching one of the river crossings. As we came around the corner, we could see down the hill to the river and... STUCK... IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RIVER... WAS A BUS. There was not even room for a motorcycle to pass through between the rocks and where the bus was stuck. So, we parked along the side of the road... and began... waiting. Fortunately, we were bringing groceries back with us, so we knew we would not starve in the meantime!

The Bus Stuck in the River Crossing

  As soon as we parked, we began discussing divine appointments and pondering what God could be doing in this moment as we were sitting along the road waiting. We speculated (jokingly) that he was probably keeping us from being kidnapped by a group of bandits farther down the road. A few moments later we were STARTLED to see what appeared to be a large group of men from the United States walking down the hill toward the bus. (It is VERY VERY VERY RARE to see non-Guatemalans in this area of Guatemala. Tiffany and I are THE ONLY TWO non-Guatemalans in the village where we live, so you can imagine our surprise). I decided to walk down to the river and see what this group from the United States was doing here in Guatemala.

  To my immediate surprise, the two leaders, Carlos and Andy, were very familiar with Zapote, the school where I work, and were two of the original individuals to visit Zapote, help plant and build the church here, and help support the work at the school!! Talk about divine appointments!! We shared stories and I found out that they were coming to visit the school later that week. While we were sharing stories, the team of young men worked together with the locals and were able to put enough smaller rocks under the wheels of the bus to get the bus moving forward again and out of the river. Another thing that ALWAYS IMPRESSES me about Guatemala is how quickly people jump in to help each other in times of need!! We were shortly on our way and were only a "little" late for work that morning :).

  In this season, God has been speaking so many things to my heart and my spirit, and it seems like one of the common themes has been letting go and putting down walls that I have built up over the

years. For the past few mornings, the lyrics of a song have been jumping out to me each time I hear it. The lyrics say "Put up my umbrella and let me get drenched in you.. Put up my umbrella, and let redemption rain fall over me." I find it so appropriate that during the rainy season God is calling me to "put up my umbrella.. and let Him drench me". I am remembering how to be playful again (I may or may not like to put on my rainboots and go puddle jumping from time to time... the looks I get are hilarious... but GOD LOVES TO PLAY). I am being intentional in playing with the kids at the school more and taking breaks from work to go love on some kiddos and share HIS JOY with them. I am also letting God open up areas of my heart and spirit that need fresh life breathed into them. I am remembering that we can TAKE GOD AT HIS WORD and hold onto the promises He has given us. Despite dreams and visions looking dead, there comes a season when the rain will come... wash off the dirt.. and breathe life back into those places. So.. let us.. put down our umbrellas.. and GET DRENCHED!!

I thank you for taking the time to read my blog. Feel free to share my blog with others. I appreciate each of you, your prayers, and your support as I continue on this journey.

Blessings,
Meaghen