Initially I named this blog "Crossing 4 Rivers" because traveling to Zapote requires one to cross four rivers in a vehicle (there are no bridges). Yet, I am beginning to see how this title runs so much deeper. The transitions, the changes, the steps of faith, and crossing into an entirely different culture all tie into this title.
Today was the first day of official classwork at Intercultural Training and we talked about transitions. As missionaries, we are all in various phases of transitions. Many of us are selling homes or cars, we are having to say "goodbye" to friends and family, we have had to resign from jobs to prepare to move overseas, and we realize that we are in the midst of a myriad of changes. To say our lives are in a period of transition is an understatement. I received a lot of affirmation today to accept the transition phase as "ok" and to realize that much of what I am feeling is "normal", but I wanted to share something that really stuck out to me today that can apply to so many of our lives.
As the teacher was speaking, he began to use the metaphor of a river as opposed to an ocean (appropriate to this blog.. right?!!). He explained that sometimes transitions are more like crossing an ocean than a raging river. Sometimes it's a long but somewhat smooth process. Sometimes you ebb and flow with the tide and you just float along until you reach the shore. However, sometimes it is quite the opposite. Sometimes we are in the midst of the rapids and we feel torn from all directions and unsure of the direction or even if we are going to make it to the next "lull" in the river. We are struggling to just keep our head above the water and draw the next breath to survive. Then, the teacher said something that really hit home for me. He said, "What if time in the river is building muscles that aren't built on the shore?". Think about that for a moment. Sometimes we have to go through the rapids, through the transitions, through the barely keeping our heads above the water because God is building something in us that can not be developed on the shore. It is in the hardest moments in life, when we don't think we can hold on any longer, that God meets us where we are and helps carry us that extra step or two to get us to where we can "touch bottom" again. It is when we cannot do anything else in our own strength that there is room for Him to come in and work in us. It is in the rapids that we learn to depend on Him to carry us through things that we cannot conquer on our own.
So, maybe you are in the midst of rapids today. Maybe you're like me and in the midst of so many transitions that you are just "holding on" and seeing what comes next. Take comfort. Being in "transition" is ok. In the meantime, you are building muscles that can not be built while you're standing on the shore.
I thank you for taking time to read my blog. I am excited about the journey that God is taking me on as I prepare to head to Guatemala in January.
Blessings,
Meaghen
Monday, September 28, 2015
Monday, September 14, 2015
Floating in the River
I have a confession. I like to be in control. I like to know what is happening six months down the road, and I like to see it drawn out on a neat little map. I like to drive the car rather than be the passenger, and the one thing that I dislike about flying is that I am not in control of the plane. However, At this moment, my life is COMPLETELY out of my control. God is stretching me in ways that I would have never imagined only a few months ago. Today, I was having an overwhelmed moment and I reached out to two friends who are also going through the same process with Kids Alive International and asked them to pray for me. I had a moment when everything seemed so big that I just wanted to have a pity party and cry. I am in the last semester of my Master's degree, I have been running on less than four hours of sleep at a time all week, I have worked three shifts back to back at work with only eight hours between each one, I have a month long training session coming up in two weeks, I am spearheading putting on my fifteen year school reunion THIS WEEKEND, and I am struggling to squeeze in time to work on partnership development. I may be just a little stressed. So, as I began to feel the walls close in on me I reached out and asked my friends to pray for me. I know they prayed immediately and I felt peace wash over me in the moments that followed. Then, the phone rang... it was Julia, the missionary mobilization coordinator. Julia said something that brought me to tears (of relief). As I poured out my heart about feeling like a failure because I hadn't been following the "plan" that we were taught regarding partnership development, Julia comforted me and ensured me it would all be OK. She said that it was like I was on a raft just floating in the rapids of the river, and all I had to do was to keep my oars in the water and keep paddling as much as I could. That the river was going to take me where it was supposed to, and I was just along for the ride. And.. then I cried.. and realized she was right. Throughout this process, I have been saying that I am "just along for the ride" so to hear her mirror the sentiment brought needed confirmation.
I don't talk about the "ugly side" of my short term trip to Guatemala, but I feel like I need to share that in this moment. Honestly, my short term trip to Guatemala was the hardest trip I have ever been on. I seriously struggled the first few days with personality conflicts with other team members, feelings of rejection and frustration, overwhelming fumes and migraines from sitting in traffic in the city for long periods of time, being a part of a team of nearly thirty people, and then the crowning jewel.. I got sick. Without going into too many details.. I spent more than one entire night sitting on a toilet and in desperate need of some Pepto Bismol in the following days. And no.. before you ask.. I DID NOT drink the water. So, by time Wednesday arrived I was ready to go home, and we had only arrived on that Sunday. I finally came to a breaking point Wednesday night while we were worshiping as a team. I remember singing the words "There's no place I'd rather be...There's no place I'd rather be.. There's no place I'd rather be.. Than here in your love.." and I felt like such a hypocrite. I would have rather have been anywhere but Guatemala in that moment. I wanted to be home.. in my own bed.. sick in my own bathroom.. by myself.. anywhere than with this team of nearly thirty people in Guatemala. So, I asked Ruby, one of our team members who I consider a spiritual mother, to come outside with me. I broke down crying and released all my frustration, feelings, and emotions on this woman and she just listened. I remember saying "I can't do this.." and she said "Exactly". That's when I realized, God had brought me to a breaking point on that trip to where I could not do anything on my own. He brought me to the end of myself to where I could do nothing else in my power, and I had to depend solely on Him to get me through. I now see that He needed me to trust in Him and let Him be in control rather than me trying to do it in my own strength. He knew in that moment that He was preparing me for something bigger that would require a new level of trust and dependency on Him. He knew that I would have to trust Him completely and let Him work things out if any of this was going to take place. So, in that moment I surrendered and everything changed. Personality conflicts smoothed over, I no longer felt rejected and frustrated, and even though I still had some stomach issues it was nowhere near as emotionally overwhelming. By the end of my time in Guatemala, I had fallen in love with the country, the people, and I knew that I was called to return long term. Had I focused on the negatives and all the things that were going wrong, I would have completely missed what He was doing in my life in that moment.
So, fast forward to today. Again, I have had to realize that I am not in control and it's OK. Many of you have been asking me about my trip and what comes next. I will be attending CIT training from September 27-October 23rd in western North Carolina. This training is to prepare me to successfully navigate living in a foreign culture.. and hopefully doing so without completely offending any Guatemalan nationals :). In the meantime, I am living a life that is out of my control. It is wonderful and terrifying at the same time, but there is a peace that surpasses all understanding. Let me encourage you. Maybe God is calling you to do something that is taking you out of your comfort zone. Maybe He's trying to teach you to let go and trust Him. Don't be like me. Don't let it take personality conflicts, migraines, frustration, exhaustion, and extreme diarrhea to get you there. Trust Him. He really does have the best plans... and beyond that... He's got a great sense of humor!
Blessings,
Meaghen
I don't talk about the "ugly side" of my short term trip to Guatemala, but I feel like I need to share that in this moment. Honestly, my short term trip to Guatemala was the hardest trip I have ever been on. I seriously struggled the first few days with personality conflicts with other team members, feelings of rejection and frustration, overwhelming fumes and migraines from sitting in traffic in the city for long periods of time, being a part of a team of nearly thirty people, and then the crowning jewel.. I got sick. Without going into too many details.. I spent more than one entire night sitting on a toilet and in desperate need of some Pepto Bismol in the following days. And no.. before you ask.. I DID NOT drink the water. So, by time Wednesday arrived I was ready to go home, and we had only arrived on that Sunday. I finally came to a breaking point Wednesday night while we were worshiping as a team. I remember singing the words "There's no place I'd rather be...There's no place I'd rather be.. There's no place I'd rather be.. Than here in your love.." and I felt like such a hypocrite. I would have rather have been anywhere but Guatemala in that moment. I wanted to be home.. in my own bed.. sick in my own bathroom.. by myself.. anywhere than with this team of nearly thirty people in Guatemala. So, I asked Ruby, one of our team members who I consider a spiritual mother, to come outside with me. I broke down crying and released all my frustration, feelings, and emotions on this woman and she just listened. I remember saying "I can't do this.." and she said "Exactly". That's when I realized, God had brought me to a breaking point on that trip to where I could not do anything on my own. He brought me to the end of myself to where I could do nothing else in my power, and I had to depend solely on Him to get me through. I now see that He needed me to trust in Him and let Him be in control rather than me trying to do it in my own strength. He knew in that moment that He was preparing me for something bigger that would require a new level of trust and dependency on Him. He knew that I would have to trust Him completely and let Him work things out if any of this was going to take place. So, in that moment I surrendered and everything changed. Personality conflicts smoothed over, I no longer felt rejected and frustrated, and even though I still had some stomach issues it was nowhere near as emotionally overwhelming. By the end of my time in Guatemala, I had fallen in love with the country, the people, and I knew that I was called to return long term. Had I focused on the negatives and all the things that were going wrong, I would have completely missed what He was doing in my life in that moment.
So, fast forward to today. Again, I have had to realize that I am not in control and it's OK. Many of you have been asking me about my trip and what comes next. I will be attending CIT training from September 27-October 23rd in western North Carolina. This training is to prepare me to successfully navigate living in a foreign culture.. and hopefully doing so without completely offending any Guatemalan nationals :). In the meantime, I am living a life that is out of my control. It is wonderful and terrifying at the same time, but there is a peace that surpasses all understanding. Let me encourage you. Maybe God is calling you to do something that is taking you out of your comfort zone. Maybe He's trying to teach you to let go and trust Him. Don't be like me. Don't let it take personality conflicts, migraines, frustration, exhaustion, and extreme diarrhea to get you there. Trust Him. He really does have the best plans... and beyond that... He's got a great sense of humor!
Blessings,
Meaghen
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
You're Going Where??
First of all, I would like to ensure you that NONE of this was my idea. In fact, if I have to be honest I believe that God is playing the biggest practical joke in the history of the universe on me!! So, let me start at the beginning. I signed up to go on a mission trip to Guatemala with my church, New Life Church. I never dreamed of what was to come from this trip. I had been on the mission field before and I even spent a summer traveling with a children's ministry, but nothing prepared me for what lie ahead in Guatemala. I headed to Guatemala fully expecting to love on some children and come back home to my normal life. I got part of that right. I loved on some children, and I came back. However, while in Guatemala I fell in love with the people, the culture, and felt God pulling on my heart to return to the country long term. Wait.. wasn't this just supposed to be a short-term trip? Yeah.. I know. Upon landing in Houston, I called my mother from baggage claim and let her know that I felt that God was leading me to return to Guatemala.. for a longer term. To my shock, she was supportive. Yeah.. I know.. Can you see God smirking yet? I planned.. let me say that again.. I planned... emphasis on I.. to consider heading back to Guatemala in the summer or fall of 2016. I think God was smiling at me at this point. So, I submitted an application with Kids Alive International who runs The Oasis children's home which was one of the homes that we had visited while in Guatemala. Within an hour, they called me back. I informed Julia, who is the missions mobilization coordinator, that I was considering coming in the summer or fall of 2016, and I started what I assumed to be a lengthy application process.
During one of my many conversations with Julia over the next few days, she asked if I would be willing to consider heading to Guatemala in January 2016 to serve in a rural school called Source of Hope in Zapote. Immediately, I declined. I thought to myself, "What part of summer 2016 was unclear?". However, after sleeping on it I woke up to the realization of "why not?" What was keeping me in the U.S.? I don't have a mortgage, a career to which I am tied, or a family of my own. At this point I think God started giggling. I called Julia back the next day and let her know that I was willing to consider heading to Zapote in January. Thus began the whirlwind. I booked plane tickets to a training session before I was even formally invited on faith that the application process would go through and attended a week long training session with Kids Alive International less than a month after submitting my first email to apply. Throughout the first day of training, I asked each staff member I talked to, "Have you ever been to Zapote? Where is this place that doesn't even really exist on a map?". I had started to believe that perhaps Zapote was just an imaginary assignment and I was really going on some covert underground assignment (that's my law enforcement background sneaking in). Eventually, I was assured that Zapote did exist (maybe I can be a covert operator next time) and was shown videos, pictures, and spoke to people who had actually visited the small village. Did I mention that Zapote is in very close vicinity to El Volcan de Fuego? For those of you who don't speak Spanish, that is translated The Volcano of Fire... pause for effect. What makes it even more exciting (as if that is not enough), is that in order to get to Zapote you MUST have a four-wheel drive vehicle, because.... you have to cross four rivers.. without bridges. Yes, river crossings and volcanoes, and I am willingly agreeing to this assignment. Don't worry, as part of the application process I had an interview with a psychologist. They assured me that I passed. Honestly though, this whole situation speaks to my adventurous side. You only live once, and to live a life poured out for Christ is the ultimate life to live. So, Zapote it is!
I returned from the training session to a full-time job, my final semester of grad school, and knowing that I had a lot of work to do before January. I was officially accepted to serve as a missionary in Guatemala and I slid into a last minute spot to attend a month long training at the Center for Intercultural Training in western North Carolina. It was then that things began to get real. I realized I would have to submit my resignation from my full-time position at work, and I would have to sell my beloved 2010 Mazda 3 to permit me to focus on Partnership Development and getting things done after returning from CIT training. Wow.. is this real life? So, I posted my car for sale on Craigslist thinking it may take a week or two to sell. It took exactly twenty hours, and God (who at this point is probably rolling with laughter at all of this) even brought me the perfect family to buy my car. It just so happens that this family was looking to replace a 1997 Honda Accord, so they not only purchased my vehicle but also supplied me with one that will get me through until I leave in January. Only God!!
So, that is the beginning of this grand adventure. I am putting together resources, working on partnership development, working full-time, and finishing the last semester of grad school. If you are reading this, I ask that you pray for me. This is a whirlwind and I am just along for the ride. God is in control, and I see this all as His perfect timing. In His wisdom He knew that if I had had time to plan it I would completely mess it up. Again, He really has the best sense of humor.
Blessings,
Meaghen
During one of my many conversations with Julia over the next few days, she asked if I would be willing to consider heading to Guatemala in January 2016 to serve in a rural school called Source of Hope in Zapote. Immediately, I declined. I thought to myself, "What part of summer 2016 was unclear?". However, after sleeping on it I woke up to the realization of "why not?" What was keeping me in the U.S.? I don't have a mortgage, a career to which I am tied, or a family of my own. At this point I think God started giggling. I called Julia back the next day and let her know that I was willing to consider heading to Zapote in January. Thus began the whirlwind. I booked plane tickets to a training session before I was even formally invited on faith that the application process would go through and attended a week long training session with Kids Alive International less than a month after submitting my first email to apply. Throughout the first day of training, I asked each staff member I talked to, "Have you ever been to Zapote? Where is this place that doesn't even really exist on a map?". I had started to believe that perhaps Zapote was just an imaginary assignment and I was really going on some covert underground assignment (that's my law enforcement background sneaking in). Eventually, I was assured that Zapote did exist (maybe I can be a covert operator next time) and was shown videos, pictures, and spoke to people who had actually visited the small village. Did I mention that Zapote is in very close vicinity to El Volcan de Fuego? For those of you who don't speak Spanish, that is translated The Volcano of Fire... pause for effect. What makes it even more exciting (as if that is not enough), is that in order to get to Zapote you MUST have a four-wheel drive vehicle, because.... you have to cross four rivers.. without bridges. Yes, river crossings and volcanoes, and I am willingly agreeing to this assignment. Don't worry, as part of the application process I had an interview with a psychologist. They assured me that I passed. Honestly though, this whole situation speaks to my adventurous side. You only live once, and to live a life poured out for Christ is the ultimate life to live. So, Zapote it is!
I returned from the training session to a full-time job, my final semester of grad school, and knowing that I had a lot of work to do before January. I was officially accepted to serve as a missionary in Guatemala and I slid into a last minute spot to attend a month long training at the Center for Intercultural Training in western North Carolina. It was then that things began to get real. I realized I would have to submit my resignation from my full-time position at work, and I would have to sell my beloved 2010 Mazda 3 to permit me to focus on Partnership Development and getting things done after returning from CIT training. Wow.. is this real life? So, I posted my car for sale on Craigslist thinking it may take a week or two to sell. It took exactly twenty hours, and God (who at this point is probably rolling with laughter at all of this) even brought me the perfect family to buy my car. It just so happens that this family was looking to replace a 1997 Honda Accord, so they not only purchased my vehicle but also supplied me with one that will get me through until I leave in January. Only God!!
So, that is the beginning of this grand adventure. I am putting together resources, working on partnership development, working full-time, and finishing the last semester of grad school. If you are reading this, I ask that you pray for me. This is a whirlwind and I am just along for the ride. God is in control, and I see this all as His perfect timing. In His wisdom He knew that if I had had time to plan it I would completely mess it up. Again, He really has the best sense of humor.
Blessings,
Meaghen
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)