Cry Me A River

This past Friday, I cried at a Kleenex commercial. Yes, you read that right. I cried.. at.. a Kleenex.. commercial. Yes, me. I actually broke down crying.. at a silly commercial. Ok.. you may think.. so what's the big deal?

Well, some of you may not know that I was a police officer for nine years until I finally surrendered to God's call on my life to enter into full time ministry. As a police officer I was trained to detach myself emotionally from what is going on around me. It is a survival technique that helps you stay cool and collected when everything around you is hectic and traumatic. As a police officer, I got very good at detaching myself emotionally from almost everything around me. This began to creep into my personal life as well. I became emotionally distant with all but a few friends, often my family, and I almost convinced myself that I could separate emotions from nearly any situation. I had also become cynical towards life and I was usually suspicious of people who came across as overly friendly (again.. I was trained to always expect the worst and try to think ahead of someone who may be trying to get one over on me). All of these attributes were necessary to the job I was doing, but they had become part of who I was.

So, little by little through the process of surrender God has been chipping away at my heart and turning me into a softy until last Friday... when I cried at a Kleenex commercial. I look back and I am amazed at the work God has done in my heart. He has taken a hard hearted independent woman who would not bat an eye at the pain and suffering of another.. who would only cry in the safety of her own room.. and never ever ever admit it.. to a woman who cried at a thirty second Kleenex commercial in front of thirty other people. God is doing a work! I am still not sure that I like being that girl who cries at Kleenex commercial, but I know that being emotionally available and present is something which is necessary for what lies ahead in His plan.

After I wiped my tears from the commercial, my friend Sten said something rather impactful that I would love to share with you. She said, "The Holy Spirit gets inside of you, then it comes out your eyeballs." I had to laugh. That was exactly what was happening. God's Spirit at work inside of me was coming out my eyeballs. The tears were evidence of a heart change that is taking place and is a part of Him molding me into the person He planned for me to be. The tears were the evidence of the Holy Spirit working in me in that moment. It was evidence of a change taking place. I like that.

What heart changes are you facing? Is God trying to make you softer? Is He trying to make you more patient? Maybe He is trying to make you more bold in Him. Whatever it is, let Him do His work. He has a plan, and most of us need to change to be a part of what He wants to do in us and through us. You may end up crying, with me, over Kleenex commercials, but it's who He wants us to be!!

Thanks for reading my blog. 

Blessings,
Meaghen