In Over My Head...

“And You crash over me… and I’ve lost control but I’m free… I’m going under… I’m in over my head… And You crash over me… and that’s where You want me to be… I’m going under… I’m in over my head… Whether I sink… whether I swim… it makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head.”

I missed Wawa!! 

As you may know, I returned to the States for a two-month furlough on November 8^th to visit friends, family, and raise funds. I will be returning to Guatemala on January 4^th to start the coming school year at Fuente de Esperanza. My time in the States has been OVERWHELMINGLY good. God has brought me to the point of weeping simply from His goodness more than once since my return. The hugs, the encouragement, worshiping with and beside the people I have missed, sharing His story with my friends and family, and just being loved well has been an incredible experience. I am grateful to have a chance to recharge before heading back to my beloved Guatemala in January.

One of the common themes that has kept popping up during my time in the States has been that of letting go, losing control, and letting God move. This morning as I was listening to one of my favorite playlists the lyrics above jumped out at me. Instantly a number of memories from the past few weeks jumped into my mind.

First of all, as I was sitting last night at coffee with my friend Christy, she said something that only those who have come to a place of living their lives “out of control” understand. Christy spent her teenage years growing up on the mission field, and even though as she said “I can’t support this specifically with scripture, I can through personal experience.” Christy explained, and I agree with

Love My Peoples :) 

her, that being on the mission field brings you to a place where you are in a place of immense grace, providence, and protection that you can only equate with being in the perfect will of God. She went on to say that it’s not that we are outside the will of God when we are not on the mission field, or that we are not experiencing His goodness… but there is a whole different level of grace, providence, and protection that takes place when you say yes to stepping away and onto the mission field.

The only reasoning I can imagine behind this phenomenon is the surrender that is necessary on the mission field. Being on the mission field is completely OUT OF OUR CONTROL… and that is a hard place for many of us to live. We want to control… we want to organize… we want to plan… and often that is not the case on the mission field. The lack of control either breaks you or brings you to a place of complete surrender… of complete letting go.. and as I’ve said before… that is when God can come in and work. When we let go.. and lose control.

Doing Life... out of Control

Another memory that jumped to mind hearing these lyrics was precious hours I spent with a group of ladies doing life together in a prayer group. Again.. the common theme of letting go and losing control ran deep as each woman gave account of struggles over the past weeks. A child’s suicide attempt and hospitalization… the dream job opportunity which surfaced after hope was long abandoned… personal struggles in relationships… and learning to trust God as provider were all stories recounted amongst dear friends.

As I listened to the stories, I started to realize that being in control is such a false reality. The truth is… we control nothing. We struggle so hard to control things… to control schedules… to control life events… to control jobs… to control relationships.. to control… to manipulate things into whatever we want and desire…  but in reality we control nothing.

"Out of Control" on Ice

Now.. this isn’t to say that life is a collection of random events… that we shouldn’t act responsibly or care… or that we should just sit around and do nothing. However… the reality is is that we control NOTHING.… BUT when we can realize that it’s not our job to control.. and we can let go of our ATTEMPT to control… there is a FREEDOM that fills the void we are trying to fill by attempting to control all the details of life. When we can let go of the busyness of trying to control every single detail… there is a freedom in being OUT OF CONTROL.

I will admit.. I am definitely preaching to myself on this one. However, let me invite you (along with myself) to take a moment and think. What are we TRYING TO CONTROL? (Hint… it’s probably something you’re worried about.. money.. jobs… relationships… etc.) Now… choose to let go and lose control of it. Don’t stop praying.. don’t stop trusting.. don’t stop hoping.. but realize.. God’s got this. He is in control.. and when we let go.. He can move. The truth is.. we were never IN CONTROL in the first place.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I appreciate each of you, your love, and your support. 

Blessings,

Meaghen