In the River is His Joy

Last Year's Peacock Tree

Last Year's Barbie Tree

First of all, I want to wish everyone a MERRY CHRISTMAS!! I love this time of the year as it brings family, friends, and loved ones closer together. We make family and time with friends a priority and show a little extra grace (EXCEPT IN PARKING LOTS  AND RETAIL STORES).

Let us remember that Jesus is the reason for the season and no package, gift, or event should overshadow this time in which we should reflect on Him who is the ultimate gift to each of us. 

That said, this Christmas is looking very different for me. The most obvious
differences are the lack of Christmas decorations, or furniture for that matter, in my house this Christmas season. I have always loved decorating for Christmas, yet my decorations, lights, and Christmas trees (I have three) have remained in their boxes this year.

 In preparation for my move to Guatemala, I am moving out of my little house at the end of this month. My house at the moment is boxes and piles waiting to be put into boxes. I am purging and pairing down, deciding what will make the trip to Guatemala, and what will be put in storage. I have sold ALL of my furniture and the vast majority of my household items. I currently have only two pieces of furniture in my home: my mattress and a love seat.

My Bedroom "Normally"

 I have sold everything I have owned and moved before, so it's not a completely foreign concept to me. (I am a self-admitted gypsy who sold everything and moved to Hawaii in a period of two weeks) However, there is one thing that makes this experience quite different from any other that I have had before. This entire experience is SATURATED in the PEACE and JOY of the Lord.

My Bedroom Currently

I will admit that I had my first "Oh my God.. what am I doing?!!" moment the day before yesterday. This was the day that I loaded up the majority of my furniture into a moving truck. A lot of people ask if I am "freaking out" or say that they would not be able to "handle" what is happening in my life. I will admit that if you told me I would go through this process a year ago, I would think the same thing. I would say "I can't do that.. there's no way." However, to echo the words of Rick Warren "Where God calls, He provides". That providence includes His PEACE that surpasses all understanding and His JOY which becomes your strength.

Recently, my pastor, Pastor Dan Backens, preached a sermon on the Joy of the Lord. In the message, Pastor Dan explained that often people look at Nehemiah 8:10 which states "the joy of the Lord is your strength" and assume that means that they will be happy or experience joy. However, Pastor Dan suggested another interpretation for the verse. He said perhaps it is that the knowledge of God's joy would be our strength. Maybe it is in knowing that God has joy, that He takes joy in us, that He is good, that His heart overflows with joy over us, that He sings over us.. maybe that is our strength. Our strength comes from knowing that He has joy. Wow...

The process of moving to the mission field is an emotional roller coaster. I have moments when I want to get my stuff, unpack, and say "Nope.. I'm staying right here". Yet, the JOY of the LORD and His PEACE anchors me. Even when tears flow from my eyes for whatever reason (Kleenex commercials, Christmas movies, and personal revelations bring tears lately) I have a peace that truly surpasses all understanding that anchors me and reminds me that it is going to be OK. Even when I look around my house and I am surrounded by half packed boxes and piles of stuff to be addressed, I know that this is His process. I have the JOY of the LORD.

So, let me encourage you. If God has you on a journey that you don't understand, let His JOY become your STRENGTH. Rest in His PEACE that surpasses all understanding. This is His journey. Sometimes we are called to just rest in the journey, and let it unfold. So, as I sit amongst my boxes and piles, I thank each of you for reading my blog and being a part of my journey.

Merry Christmas,

Meaghen

When the River Looks Dry

At the moment, I am on my way back to Virginia from what I am calling my "World Tour" on a

On the Bus!!

Greyhound bus. I flew to Mississippi; however,  I decided to make the trip back from Biloxi, Mississippi to Hampton, Virginia on a bus. It will take approximately 26 hours to make the trip (I can drive it in around 14.5 hours) and I am starting to wonder if it was a wise decision. I chose the bus because one way plane tickets were way too expensive, and the bus was cheaper than renting a car and driving... but still... 26 hours on a bus... ask me if I would do it again when you see me. At the  moment, I see it as a unique adventure and a chance to pray and catch up on things. Thus... blogging on a bus :)

During the past week I have visited both Ohio and Mississippi to see friends and family as well as work on support raising. I will admit, I was possibly overconfident on what the upcoming week held and I had MY OWN expectations about what it would look like. Well... once again... I was wrong. Initially, I expected enthusiasm and encouragement from my family. That didn't go exactly how I planned it. Even though I did receive a lot of encouragement and enthusiasm from most of my family... I also received skepticism and lack of understanding. It's always hard when those closest to you are skeptical of what you are doing.

Following that, I expected to receive more monthly commitments than I received. Unfortunately, the vast majority of my friends and family are facing MAJOR CRISES at the moment. Whether a friend recently had surgery, an upcoming court date, a recent job loss, the purchase and remodel of a new home, the birth of a new baby, or a scheduling conflict that kept us from meeting many of my friends and family are not able to give at the moment. AND YES, THAT IS O.K. 

My GREAT Nephew

Please don't take this the wrong way. My friends and family not being able to give is NOT a bad thing, and I am NOT COMPLAINING. However, by yesterday afternoon I was feeling very beat down and deflated. My unmet expectations had set me up for disappointment and I had to do some serious soul searching. 

So, after I went to Sonic and got enough fried food to feed a starving teenager AND a peanut butter cookie dough blast (highly recommend that one)... I sat down to do some soul searching. I quickly realized that I had created expectations that were NOT in line with those that God had for my trip. I realized that this trip was not about FUND raising. It was about FAITH raising. I had once again tried to take the reigns and drive when I was supposed to sit back and LET GOD work through me. So, I repented.. I realigned.. and I again consciously decided to STEP ASIDE. 

My last meeting before leaving was with my dear friend who I call Mama Holly. Well, Mama Holly had just had major surgery the week prior. Still bruised and at times uncomfortable, she sat across the table from me sipping coffee and encouraging me with scripture and uplifting words. Mama Holly looked at me and said "God told me that Mississippi would be dry for you... but wells are going to be springing up". I relayed the events of the week to her and she continued to encourage me. 

Through my conversation with Mama Holly and the events of the past 24 hours I have come to realize that sometimes the river SEEMS to run dry. Yet, even though the river SEEMS dry the WELL NEVER RUNS DRY. I have been reflecting on my time with friends and family, and I have had to say that it has been INCREDIBLE hearing the stories, the struggles, and being able to share what God is doing in this process and encourage them to keep hanging on. God is moving in my life in MIGHTY and INCREDIBLE WAYS and I could write pages of how He is coming through again and again. This time He came through in ways I didn't EXPECT. 

A New Orleans Courtyard

Even though I may not have met MY PERSONAL goal for this week in regards to FUND RAISING... I know that I have exceeded in FAITH RAISING. Even though I may not have stacks of new monthly commitments, I have PRAYER COMMITMENTS from amazing PRAYER WARRIORS. More than that, I now know how to SPECIFICALLY PRAY for my friends and family as they walk through this season of their lives. That is priceless. It would be easy for me to continue to feel defeated and give up, but fund raising is only part of this process. I am walking forward with more faith, and that is so much more important than any monthly commitment. 

So, let me encourage you. Even when things don't look like what WE EXPECT them to, they always look like what GOD EXPECTS. When we have unmet expectations, it is US who need to REALIGN with His plan. I hope you will join me as I reflect on this in the days to come. Remember... just because the river seems dry, it does NOT mean that the well is dry.  As always, I appreciate each of you who read my blog and pray for me. 

Blessings, 

Meaghen 

The River Is His

  The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. I "officially" started partnership development two weeks ago, and it's not what I expected. I have absolutely LOVED meeting with my friends and family and just catching up with them. I LOVE the look on people's faces when I see them getting excited about what's happening in my life and the vision for Guatemala. I have realized that I have been entirely too busy the past few years, and I have learned to be more relational and "present" when in the company of others. Yet, it has been a unique struggle. I have had to learn to TRUST God in a way that I have never trusted Him before, and that has been tough.


  It's not so much that I haven't trusted God to be who His Word says that He is... or that I haven't trusted the promises in His Word... but I have had to TRUST Him to provide financially in a big way in a very short time. That has been tough. It's all great to say "Yes, God I trust You.." until you actually have to. Until you know that there is no way that this can happen unless He does it... and your mind is racing... and you're playing the what if game.. and you don't want to look like a fool if it doesn't happen. That is when trust gets real.


  Over the past few days so many things have happened that remind me that God has got this and that I can trust Him to unfold His plan perfectly. One such event took place on Sunday night at Women's Prayer Group. The group of ladies were asked to share testimonies about what God was doing in their lives and Nancy, the leader of the group, asked if I would share. I had spoken to Nancy about sharing with the group in the past, but I was not prepared for it to happen at that moment!! My mind raced about what to share... I didn't have any pictures... I didn't have any PowerPoint slides... I just had myself... I tried to formulate what I would say... How would I approach it?!! Then,  I took a deep breath and remembered one of the words God had spoken through people in the past week... "I step aside". I prayed "God, I step aside..You say what You want to say" and I got up and told His story.

The sign that hangs beside my front door.

  I shared the story of my journey as God brought it to memory. It was His story told His way. As I sat down after sharing, people looked amazed. I heard a "WOW" from the crowd. It was not the most poetic or the most structured, but even though I had no video or pictures,  it touched people in an awesome way. After praying with and for these awesome ladies, one of the ladies, Bonnie came up to me. Bonnie said that she felt that God wanted her to tell me something. Bonnie said that it seemed silly to her, but she was being obedient in sharing it with me. Bonnie looked at me and said "There is a river that flows from the throne of God, and it flows over you..." I started laughing. She continued to explain that there was a fountain that would spring up out of me when I get to Guatemala and that this is just the beginning of what God has planned for me. I just kept laughing. Then, I had to explain to her what was so funny.


  Bonnie had no idea that I have a blog, and she is completely unaware that it's called "Crossing Four Rivers" and that it's all themed around rivers and water. So, when she said "There is a river that flows from the throne of God..." I was blown away!! I realized, that this is His river. This is His journey. This is His plan for me, and I need to realize that it is HIS. I need to TRUST Him in this process. In ALL areas of this process.

A note that is stuck to the wall above my desk. 

  I have to choose to trust Him daily. Each morning I get up and I recite "I step aside.. I trust You.. This is Yours.." and many times through out the day I have to remind myself to let go of control and trust Him. It's not always easy. I have very much been striving to be independent and in control for most of my life, and this is something that goes against the way I am "wired". So, I want to encourage each person reading this to trust God. Don't just say that you trust God... but actually TRUST God.


 If I have seen one thing in this process it is that He is TRUSTWORTHY. Again and again He has come through. He has provided funding for me to attend training and not have to work when I returned by selling my car in record time, He has provided a reliable vehicle for me to drive in the meantime through the same transaction, He has stretched the money I have to cover what I need until I leave, He has brought people who have been able to step out in faith and sow into Guatemala, He has provided the "cheerleaders" along the way when I am struggling, and He has provided me with awesome prayer warriors that cover me throughout the day and night. I TRUST HIM. This is HIS river.


I thank you for taking the time to read my blog. As always, I treasure your prayers and I love hearing how God is working in your lives as well. 

Blessings,
Meaghen

 

Swimming Together

  For the past month I have been at the Center for Intercultural Training (CIT) with an incredible group of missionaries attending classes from 8:30AM-3:30PM on Monday-Friday. I "graduated" this past Friday and I can't begin to explain the changes that have taken place over the past month.

Fall 2015 CIT Training

  Living in community was a big change for me, as I currently live ALONE in a cozy one bedroom house. So, sharing the kitchens and bathrooms with six other women was a bit of an adjustment for me. However, when I got home and settled back in I was overwhelmed by the solitude and quiet that surrounded me once again. Mornings at CIT were bustling. Starting around 7AM the dorm would come to life with sounds and people. The sound of alarms going off waking ladies from a night of sleep, dodging each other in the kitchen making coffee, the sound of hair dryers, the sound of music drifting from the rooms as ladies got ready for their day, the echoes of "good morning" said to one another, and the increasing sense of urgency as the time to attend class crept closer punctuated the weekday mornings. The routine continued when we returned home at the end of the day and dinner was made, homework was completed, and social activities were planned and executed. Living among other people quickly became my "new normal" although I did have to retreat to the seclusion of my room to have some alone time from time to time.

  Upon returning home, I realized very quickly how alone I was. My little house was very quiet and no one greeted me when I walked in the door. I cooked dinner and I wasn't "dancing" with anyone else who was trying to use the kitchen. There was plenty of hot water because no one else had showered before me. There was no music, no conversations, and no hum of other people living around me. I was alone, and I missed the ladies I had spent the past four weeks living with.

  I realize that all of CIT is structured intentionally to help you acclimate to living in community. The majority of the world is a collectivist society which means that they live together, work together, and do what is necessary for the good of the group. The United States is starkly different. We are extremely individualistic and we are out for ourselves and our best interest. We like to be independent and we like to do it on our own. My time at CIT has changed my viewpoints on more things than I could write in this post (or that you would want to read), but I will say that I like living in a collectivist society and I miss my CIT family.When I get to Guatemala, I  know that I will be living with another female missionary and sharing a small apartment, and even sharing a bedroom with her. We will be living in a small rural village where we are the only two people from the United States, and we will be immersed in a collectivist culture. I expect a certain amount of culture shock and it may be a slow acculturation process. However, I am grateful for the opportunity to experience a taste of collectivist culture before heading to Guatemala, and I know my experiences at CIT will smooth out what may still be a bumpy transition. I am reminded of the Psalm 68:6 which states that God puts the lonely into families, and I realize that man is made for relationships with other people. God has created us for community. We are made to work together, live together, support each other, and walk beside each other throughout life.

Part of My Goofy Family 

  As I prepare to leave in a little more than two months, I am reflecting on my relationships. I know I will miss my family, my friends, and my support systems here in the United States. However, I have a quiet peace that honestly does surpass all understanding. As I sit in my quiet house, I look around and I feel sad when I realize that I won't live in this place much longer. I think about the things I am giving up to follow God's call... things like my two beloved dogs... and of course.. cheese.. yes.. it's ridiculous.. but most of the world does not have cheese like we do in the United States. I'm serious!! Still.. I have a peace (even without cheese). I know it's going to be ok. I feel like I am standing on the edge of something much bigger than I can imagine. I am so excited about what lies ahead. I am excited to see what friends I will make a long the way, what life will begin to look like, and where this journey will take me.

  I do want to thank each of you for your prayers, support, and encouragement. Know that you are all part of my family, and I am grateful to have each one of you to help support me a long the way. I cherish your prayers.

 
Blessings,
Meaghen

I AM The River

Today, I had the opportunity to worship at La Casa del Alfarero (The Potter's House) which is in Asheville, NC. This is the second time that I have attended this church. The first time I attended it was as an assignment for the intercultural training I have been attending for the past month.The entire service is in Spanish. All of the church goers are of Latino descent, they pray in Spanish, they sing in Spanish, and the sermon....you guessed it.... is in Spanish. During my first visit, I was overwhelmed by the love, the kindness, and the openness with which I was received. The pastor even mentioned that I was a special guest and I was a missionary to Guatemala who was joining them so that I could practice my Spanish. At least a dozen people hugged and prayed for me during that first visit.  If you have never had the opportunity to worship God in another language.. I highly recommend it. It is an AWESOME experience. It's also a chance to brush up on your language skills which is also one of my motivations for attending La Casa de Alfarero. Apparently my Spanish language ability is lacking in the vocabulary of spiritual matters. I guess somewhere between learning Spanish in high school and practicing it in law enforcement these words escaped me :) For some reason learning how to pray in Spanish is not something I practiced regularly while giving instructions to standardized field sobriety tests in Spanish... go figure :)

So, I decided to attend La Casa de Alfarero once again today. I was once again met with enthusiasm, love, and acceptance. In fact, after speaking with one of the ladies for a few minutes, she informed me that when I return on furlough from Guatemala I am welcome to come stay with her because I am now considered family. This is only one small part of why I have fallen in love with this culture.

Today, as we were singing one of the worship songs, the phrase "El Gran Yo Soy" was repeated multiple times in the chorus.  The way the words were separated on the screen confused me and I was interpreting it in my head as I am belonging to The Great One... I kept pondering what this meant as I had never heard of God referred to in this matter, and then it dawned on me.. when I looked at the phrase as a single phrase it read "The Great I AM". I began to think of the fact that I AM is the present tense. It's interesting how you notice tenses more when you're reading in other languages. Think about that for a moment... God is not referred to as  The Great I WAS... or The Great I WILL BE.. but The Great I AM. He is in the present tense. He is whatever we need in THIS MOMENT. I AM your peace. I AM your joy. I AM your strength. I AM your shield. I AM your protector. I AM your provider. I AM.

I began to think about this on another level. Am I letting Him be I AM in my life? Have I tried to be.. or fill.. or create whatever it is I need Him to be? Am I treating Him like I WAS or I WILL BE? Am I letting Him be what I need in the moment? I AM is present. He wants us to walk this journey with Him and depend on Him in THIS MOMENT. We are not to look to Him as a God who did great things in history or a God who will one day do great things in the future. He is I AM.

I thank you for reading my blog. I hope you find it encouraging, and are enjoying the journey that God is taking me on. 

Blessings,
Meaghen

Cry Me A River

This past Friday, I cried at a Kleenex commercial. Yes, you read that right. I cried.. at.. a Kleenex.. commercial. Yes, me. I actually broke down crying.. at a silly commercial. Ok.. you may think.. so what's the big deal?

Well, some of you may not know that I was a police officer for nine years until I finally surrendered to God's call on my life to enter into full time ministry. As a police officer I was trained to detach myself emotionally from what is going on around me. It is a survival technique that helps you stay cool and collected when everything around you is hectic and traumatic. As a police officer, I got very good at detaching myself emotionally from almost everything around me. This began to creep into my personal life as well. I became emotionally distant with all but a few friends, often my family, and I almost convinced myself that I could separate emotions from nearly any situation. I had also become cynical towards life and I was usually suspicious of people who came across as overly friendly (again.. I was trained to always expect the worst and try to think ahead of someone who may be trying to get one over on me). All of these attributes were necessary to the job I was doing, but they had become part of who I was.

So, little by little through the process of surrender God has been chipping away at my heart and turning me into a softy until last Friday... when I cried at a Kleenex commercial. I look back and I am amazed at the work God has done in my heart. He has taken a hard hearted independent woman who would not bat an eye at the pain and suffering of another.. who would only cry in the safety of her own room.. and never ever ever admit it.. to a woman who cried at a thirty second Kleenex commercial in front of thirty other people. God is doing a work! I am still not sure that I like being that girl who cries at Kleenex commercial, but I know that being emotionally available and present is something which is necessary for what lies ahead in His plan.

After I wiped my tears from the commercial, my friend Sten said something rather impactful that I would love to share with you. She said, "The Holy Spirit gets inside of you, then it comes out your eyeballs." I had to laugh. That was exactly what was happening. God's Spirit at work inside of me was coming out my eyeballs. The tears were evidence of a heart change that is taking place and is a part of Him molding me into the person He planned for me to be. The tears were the evidence of the Holy Spirit working in me in that moment. It was evidence of a change taking place. I like that.

What heart changes are you facing? Is God trying to make you softer? Is He trying to make you more patient? Maybe He is trying to make you more bold in Him. Whatever it is, let Him do His work. He has a plan, and most of us need to change to be a part of what He wants to do in us and through us. You may end up crying, with me, over Kleenex commercials, but it's who He wants us to be!!

Thanks for reading my blog. 

Blessings,
Meaghen

In The Rapids

Initially I named this blog "Crossing 4 Rivers" because traveling to Zapote requires one to cross four rivers in a vehicle (there are no bridges). Yet, I am beginning to see how this title runs so much deeper. The transitions, the changes, the steps of faith, and crossing into an entirely different culture all tie into this title.

Today was the first day of official classwork at Intercultural Training and we talked about transitions. As missionaries, we are all in various phases of transitions. Many of us are selling homes or cars, we are having to say "goodbye" to friends and family, we have had to resign from jobs to prepare to move overseas, and we realize that we are in the midst of a myriad of changes. To say our lives are in a period of transition is an understatement. I received a lot of affirmation today to accept the transition phase as "ok" and to realize that much of what I am feeling is "normal", but I wanted to share something that really stuck out to me today that can apply to so many of our lives.

As the teacher was speaking, he began to use the metaphor of a river as opposed to an ocean (appropriate to this blog.. right?!!). He explained that sometimes transitions are more like crossing an ocean than a raging river. Sometimes it's a long but somewhat smooth process. Sometimes you ebb and flow with the tide and you just float along until you reach the shore. However, sometimes it is quite the opposite. Sometimes we are in the midst of the rapids and we feel torn from all directions and unsure of the direction or even if we are going to make it to the next "lull" in the river. We are struggling to just keep our head above the water and draw the next breath to survive. Then, the teacher said something that really hit home for me. He said, "What if time in the river is building muscles that aren't built on the shore?". Think about that for a moment. Sometimes we have to go through the rapids, through the transitions, through the barely keeping our heads above the water because God is building something in us that can not be developed on the shore. It is in the hardest moments in life, when we don't think we can hold on any longer, that God meets us where we are and helps carry us that extra step or two to get us to where we can "touch bottom" again. It is when we cannot do anything else in our own strength that there is room for Him to come in and work in us. It is in the rapids that we learn to depend on Him to carry us through things that we cannot conquer on our own.

So, maybe you are in the midst of rapids today. Maybe you're like me and in the midst of so many transitions that you are just "holding on" and seeing what comes next. Take comfort. Being in "transition" is ok. In the meantime, you are building muscles that can not be built while you're standing on the shore.

I thank you for taking time to read my blog. I am excited about the journey that God is taking me on as I prepare to head to Guatemala in January. 

Blessings,
Meaghen

Floating in the River

I have a confession. I like to be in control. I like to know what is happening six months down the road, and I like to see it drawn out on a neat little map. I like to drive the car rather than be the passenger, and the one thing that I dislike about flying is that I am not in control of the plane. However, At this moment, my life is COMPLETELY out of my control. God is stretching me in ways that I would have never imagined only a few months ago. Today, I was having an overwhelmed moment and I reached out to two friends who are also going through the same process with Kids Alive International and asked them to pray for me. I had a moment when everything seemed so big that I just wanted to have a pity party and cry. I am in the last semester of my Master's degree, I have been running on less than four hours of sleep at a time all week, I have worked three shifts back to back at work with only eight hours between each one, I have a month long training session coming up in two weeks, I am spearheading putting on my fifteen year school reunion THIS WEEKEND, and I am struggling to squeeze in time to work on partnership development. I may be just a little stressed. So, as I began to feel the walls close in on me I reached out and asked my friends to pray for me. I know they prayed immediately and I felt peace wash over me in the moments that followed. Then, the phone rang... it was Julia, the missionary mobilization coordinator. Julia said something that brought me to tears (of relief). As I poured out my heart about feeling like a failure because I hadn't been following the "plan" that we were taught regarding partnership development, Julia comforted me and ensured me it would all be OK. She said that it was like I was on a raft just floating in the rapids of the river, and all I had to do was to keep my oars in the water and keep paddling as much as I could. That the river was going to take me where it was supposed to, and I was just along for the ride. And.. then I cried.. and realized she was right. Throughout this process, I have been saying that I am "just along for the ride" so to hear her mirror the sentiment brought needed confirmation.

I don't talk about the "ugly side" of my short term trip to Guatemala, but I feel like I need to share that in this moment. Honestly, my short term trip to Guatemala was the hardest trip I have ever been on. I seriously struggled the first few days with personality conflicts with other team members, feelings of rejection and frustration, overwhelming fumes and migraines from sitting in traffic in the city for long periods of time, being a part of a team of nearly thirty people, and then the crowning jewel.. I got sick. Without going into too many details.. I spent more than one entire night sitting on a toilet and in desperate need of some Pepto Bismol in the following days. And no.. before you ask.. I DID NOT drink the water. So, by time Wednesday arrived I was ready to go home, and we had only arrived on that Sunday. I finally came to a breaking point Wednesday night while we were worshiping as a team. I remember singing the words "There's no place I'd rather be...There's no place I'd rather be.. There's no place I'd rather be.. Than here in your love.." and I felt like such a hypocrite. I would have rather have been anywhere but Guatemala in that moment. I wanted to be home.. in my own bed.. sick in my own bathroom.. by myself.. anywhere than with this team of nearly thirty people in Guatemala. So, I asked Ruby, one of our team members who I consider a spiritual mother, to come outside with me. I broke down crying and released all my frustration, feelings, and emotions on this woman and she just listened. I remember saying "I can't do this.." and she said "Exactly". That's when I realized, God had brought me to a breaking point on that trip to where I could not do anything on my own. He brought me to the end of myself to where I could do nothing else in my power, and I had to depend solely on Him to get me through. I now see that He needed me to trust in Him and let Him be in control rather than me trying to do it in my own strength. He knew in that moment that He was preparing me for something bigger that would require a new level of trust and dependency on Him. He knew that I would have to trust Him completely and let Him work things out if any of this was going to take place. So, in that moment I surrendered and everything changed. Personality conflicts smoothed over, I no longer felt rejected and frustrated, and even though I still had some stomach issues it was nowhere near as emotionally overwhelming. By the end of my time in Guatemala, I had fallen in love with the country, the people, and I knew that I was called to return long term. Had I focused on the negatives and all the things that were going wrong, I would have completely missed what He was doing in my life in that moment.

So, fast forward to today. Again, I have had to realize that I am not in control and it's OK. Many of you have been asking me about my trip and what comes next. I will be attending CIT training from September 27-October 23rd in western North Carolina. This training is to prepare me to successfully navigate living in a foreign culture.. and hopefully doing so without completely offending any Guatemalan nationals :). In the meantime, I am living a life that is out of my control. It is wonderful and terrifying at the same time, but there is a peace that surpasses all understanding. Let me encourage you. Maybe God is calling you to do something that is taking you out of your comfort zone. Maybe He's trying to teach you to let go and trust Him. Don't be like me. Don't let it take personality conflicts, migraines, frustration, exhaustion, and extreme diarrhea to get you there. Trust Him. He really does have the best plans... and beyond that... He's got a great sense of humor!

Blessings,
Meaghen

You're Going Where??

First of all, I would like to ensure you that NONE of this was my idea. In fact, if I have to be honest I believe that God is playing the biggest practical joke in the history of the universe on me!! So, let me start at the beginning. I signed up to go on a mission trip to Guatemala with my church, New Life Church. I never dreamed of what was to come from this trip. I had been on the mission field before and I even spent a summer traveling with a children's ministry, but nothing prepared me for what lie ahead in Guatemala. I headed to Guatemala fully expecting to love on some children and come back home to my normal life. I got part of that right. I loved on some children, and I came back. However, while in Guatemala I fell in love with the people, the culture, and felt God pulling on my heart to return to the country long term. Wait.. wasn't this just supposed to be a short-term trip? Yeah.. I know. Upon landing in Houston, I called my mother from baggage claim and let her know that I felt that God was leading me to return to Guatemala.. for a longer term. To my shock, she was supportive. Yeah.. I know.. Can you see God smirking yet? I planned.. let me say that again.. I planned... emphasis on I.. to consider heading back to Guatemala in the summer or fall of 2016. I think God was smiling at me at this point. So, I submitted an application with Kids Alive International who runs The Oasis children's home which was one of the homes that we had visited while in Guatemala. Within an hour, they called me back. I informed Julia, who is the missions mobilization coordinator, that I was considering coming in the summer or fall of 2016, and I started what I assumed to be a lengthy application process.

During one of my many conversations with Julia over the next few days, she asked if I would be willing to consider heading to Guatemala in January 2016 to serve in a rural school called Source of Hope in Zapote. Immediately, I declined. I thought to myself, "What part of summer 2016 was unclear?". However, after sleeping on it I woke up to the realization of "why not?" What was keeping me in the U.S.? I don't have a mortgage, a career to which I am tied, or a family of my own. At this point I think God started giggling. I called Julia back the next day and let her know that I was willing to consider heading to Zapote in January. Thus began the whirlwind. I booked plane tickets to a training session before I was even formally invited on faith that the application process would go through and attended a week long training session with Kids Alive International less than a month after submitting my first email to apply. Throughout the first day of training, I asked each staff member I talked to, "Have you ever been to Zapote? Where is this place that doesn't even really exist on a map?". I had started to believe that perhaps Zapote was just an imaginary assignment and I was really going on some covert underground assignment (that's my law enforcement background sneaking in). Eventually, I was assured that Zapote did exist (maybe I can be a covert operator next time) and was shown videos, pictures, and spoke to people who had actually visited the small village. Did I mention that Zapote is in very close vicinity to El Volcan de Fuego? For those of you who don't speak Spanish, that is translated The Volcano of Fire... pause for effect. What makes it even more exciting (as if that is not enough), is that in order to get to Zapote you MUST have a four-wheel drive vehicle, because.... you have to cross four rivers.. without bridges. Yes, river crossings and volcanoes, and I am willingly agreeing to this assignment. Don't worry, as part of the application process I had an interview with a psychologist. They assured me that I passed. Honestly though, this whole situation speaks to my adventurous side. You only live once, and to live a life poured out for Christ is the ultimate life to live. So, Zapote it is!

 I returned from the training session to a full-time job, my final semester of grad school, and knowing that I had a lot of work to do before January. I was officially accepted to serve as a missionary in Guatemala and I slid into a last minute spot to attend a month long training at the Center for Intercultural Training in western North Carolina. It was then that things began to get real. I realized I would have to submit my resignation from my full-time position at work, and I would have to sell my beloved 2010 Mazda 3 to permit me to focus on Partnership Development and getting things done after returning from CIT training. Wow.. is this real life? So, I posted my car for sale on Craigslist thinking it may take a week or two to sell. It took exactly twenty hours, and God (who at this point is probably rolling with laughter at all of this) even brought me the perfect family to buy my car. It just so happens that this family was looking to replace a 1997 Honda Accord, so they not only purchased my vehicle but also supplied me with one that will get me through until I leave in January. Only God!!

So, that is the beginning of this grand adventure. I am putting together resources, working on partnership development, working full-time, and finishing the last semester of grad school. If you are reading this, I ask that you pray for me. This is a whirlwind and I am just along for the ride. God is in control, and I see this all as His perfect timing. In His wisdom He knew that if I had had time to plan it I would completely mess it up. Again, He really has the best sense of humor.

Blessings,
Meaghen