It's Okay to Not Have it all Together...

"It's okay to not have it all together..." my dear friend counseled me as we sat under the trees in a shady spot in the grass. As her words sank into my heart the tears started as trickles and soon became full blown sobs.

Rehearsal in the Rain :) 

For the past few months, I have been trying to "keep it all together" and many times feeling like I was drowning beneath the pressure of all that is swirling around me. Since November I have gotten engaged, gotten married, started a new life WITH A HUSBAND... made two trips back to the States.. started a new school year... and been managing a position in full-time ministry. Yet, I've been trying to do it all and manage it all PERFECTLY.

It probably doesn't come as a surprise to many of you (especially you who know me well).. that I'm a perfectionist. (Gasp!! I know). I am the person that thrills over not just checking off  one item from the "to do list" but the whole list!! I am the person who will put in 16 hour work days just to "get it done and reach a deadline". I am the person who will stay late just to respond to that last minute email, or will work from home on Saturdays just to get ahead for Monday. That's me... and when I don't get it done... I feel... stressed... I feel like I'm not doing "good enough" or that "I could do more".

So, when my friend's words sank into my spirit... they struck a root that I didn't realize needed to be
severed. It touched a place that was born in an approval system hinging on my own personal performance, what I could do, what I could accomplish, and a place where striving in my own strength and abilities lives.

As I meditated on my friend's words during my prayer time that evening, I heard God whisper to my spirit... He said "I made you for this. I crafted you with an efficient laser focus, the ability to work hard, fast, and efficiently.. but you must do it from a place of rest.. not striving... not working to the point of exhaustion.. it's okay not to have it all together... it's okay not to get it all finished.. its okay to rest... it's okay to say no. "

As God spoke to my heart I started to mentally give myself permission to not do everything. I said to myself... "It's okay to not return the email until tomorrow. It's okay to not give in to every single need or plea for help. It's okay to say no to new commitments. It's okay to be normal. It's okay to fail. It's okay to stumble and get back up and try again. It's okay to not have it all together. I give myself permission to rest. I give myself permission to say no. I give myself permission to not have it all together."

Rest in Him 

If you're like me and trying to manage it all and get it all done.. take a moment... and go back and read the last paragraph outloud. Go ahead. Give yourself permission to not have it all together. Give yourself permission to rest. Give yourself permission to not be everything to everyone.

I have a small piece of paper on my refrigerator that serves as a reminder. It says... "You can do ANYTHING, but you can't do EVERYTHING". It's something I often need to remember. I can't do it all... I can't manage it all.. and I can't always have it all together... and THAT'S OK. I can be a hot mess, and rest in the Lord while His strength is made perfect in my weakness.